Where did it all go....wrong? dont get me wrong, im super blessed, but i was speaking to my sister about this the other day. Werent we supposed to be successful, accomplished, semi-wealthy and living in that mansion in Downey, CA, Sandy (my other sister), Judy and I were supposed to buy together, by now!? Two very important things i will try to embed in my children if i ever have them:
1. Career accomplished first, then marriage.
2. Don't expect to have everything sorted by 30. This probably won't be the case.
Again, i don't want to be misunderstood (even though this is inevitable), i love my husband, our marriage, nothing is perfect, but as i say in my song "Modern Warfare 3", we truly have what everyone wants, love. I don't mean to brag, but we do! its not perfect, but for the most, its pretty damn good. I sometimes feel it all started going down hill after studying abroad my junior year of college in Spain. At the same time, it was one of the best things to have happened to me. Everything changed after that. There was a before and an after 2001-2002 for me, and it was much much bigger than September 11. At least it was for me, since my world revolves around...me. Doesnt your world revolve around you? with the exception of loving parents, who for the most part, love their children so much, they lose themselves and their worlds become their children, and for those who have dedicated their life mission to venture out and help those less fortunate. Something i have always wanted to do by the way, have looked into it through my church, other religions and have opted for the Peace Corps, since this is the one the hubs agreed to do with me.
I would study abroad all over again. I wouldnt change this for anything, well, maybe for a successful career as a Recording Artist, where i can then travel to impoverished countries and provide them with all they need. I dont have to take having studied abroad out of my life if i could, this can still happen. I left UC Irvine, my parents, Whittier, LA...with a broken heart. As my mom once told me, i never came back. Thanks to my first love, I decided to take on an awesome adventure, the beginning of a new chapter in my life (it makes me take a deep breath) a new life began for me.
I forgot about the pain of lost love, i started smoking, i lost 20 lbs. without trying, made new friends, gained a new, awesome family...and met my future husband =) i was having so much fun, i hardly went to class! i did the classic, semester's almost over, better study up the ying yang to pass with a B...which i did. hard to believe for me, i hardly spoke aloud amongst Manolo's (the hubby) friends out of embarrassment. I was embarrassed because i couldn't speak Spanish very well, and they spoke so fast, used different words, and hardly pronounced letters to be quite honest =p
its 4:44a, my favorite numbers. time to go to bed and continue with my thoughts lata!
=)
Saturday, 20 July 2013
Friday, 12 July 2013
where do i begin!?
Where does one start on the story of their lives!? Almost impossible to find a starting point huh, but all of a sudden your mind starts to bring back recollections of all the awesome, important things that have happened in your life, that really stand out. we dont remember everything, i guess we could if we really tried, but we start to remember all of the things that really changed and affected us, and try to pick one.
Im just gonna do and say whatever i want! I dont have to pick one! im just gonna start, finish, go back, remember, try to forget, recover and move on as i please. if you know me, you know this is how i am: kinda crazy, defiant and i just always like to really do whatever i want, hehe. thank you very much, have a nice day (as my tio Chullin aka Boogie Boogie used to say) whom i love and miss soooooooo much.
i had an awesome childhood! im an only child! what could be better right!? my life! not only im i an only child, but i grew up with my cousins, who were my brothers and sisters. literally, im not exaggerating, we were actually brothers and sisters! we all got dropped off at my tia Marta's house bright and early before sunrise. because we were still asleep, we all got plopped onto the bed where my cousins Judy and Oscar had been sleeping all night. with the super warm, soft blanket still over my head and body, my eyes would slightly open and close again, as either my mom or dad were kissing me good bye, heading to work that day.
i used to hate how my cousin (ok, from this point on, i will not be referring to Judy as my cousin, but as my sister, cuz thats what she really is) my sister Judy would always flop her arm and leg over me, still asleep! ugh! im not a very touchy, feely kinda person, something ive inherited from my mami. nothing wrong, some people just love touching and some of us touch less =) Judy and her mom, my second mother, are the most touchy, feely people i know, something i have always admired and tried to emulate.
i would give anything now to see my sister, sleep in the same bed with her, see her eyes closing as were still talking about everything. yes, have her flop her arm and leg over me! wake up in the morning to the massage thing she used to have, jokingly hoping over my shoulder singing "look over your shoulder honey! woo! ill be there!" haha! im sitting here laughing by myself, remembering these awesome moments from my childhood. i dont want to start to cry. now i just want to write. as my first original song proclaims: "No More Cryin'"!!!!!! so im gonna try to stick to this plan.
I want to keep on writing, but id like to shower, cuz i just came back from a workout, which i had to cut short due to the fact that i had a guitar lesson planned. my sweat is starting to dry and im getting cold. nipples are getting hard and all! haha!
this guitar lesson was canceled by the teacher 15 minutes before arriving. it was supposed to be at 2pm, he called a few hours ago to ask if we could move it to 3pm. i thought that was fine, better for me. to cancel 15 min. before 3pm! i like and try to be cool, this kinda stuff happens to all of us! ive been a theatre, dance, and fitness teacher, and i would totally give my students a free lesson if i did this to them. this didnt come out of this teacher. im going to ask him. i think, if he's not cool with it, then i think im gonna move on to another teacher, there are really so many!
Im just gonna do and say whatever i want! I dont have to pick one! im just gonna start, finish, go back, remember, try to forget, recover and move on as i please. if you know me, you know this is how i am: kinda crazy, defiant and i just always like to really do whatever i want, hehe. thank you very much, have a nice day (as my tio Chullin aka Boogie Boogie used to say) whom i love and miss soooooooo much.
i had an awesome childhood! im an only child! what could be better right!? my life! not only im i an only child, but i grew up with my cousins, who were my brothers and sisters. literally, im not exaggerating, we were actually brothers and sisters! we all got dropped off at my tia Marta's house bright and early before sunrise. because we were still asleep, we all got plopped onto the bed where my cousins Judy and Oscar had been sleeping all night. with the super warm, soft blanket still over my head and body, my eyes would slightly open and close again, as either my mom or dad were kissing me good bye, heading to work that day.
i used to hate how my cousin (ok, from this point on, i will not be referring to Judy as my cousin, but as my sister, cuz thats what she really is) my sister Judy would always flop her arm and leg over me, still asleep! ugh! im not a very touchy, feely kinda person, something ive inherited from my mami. nothing wrong, some people just love touching and some of us touch less =) Judy and her mom, my second mother, are the most touchy, feely people i know, something i have always admired and tried to emulate.
i would give anything now to see my sister, sleep in the same bed with her, see her eyes closing as were still talking about everything. yes, have her flop her arm and leg over me! wake up in the morning to the massage thing she used to have, jokingly hoping over my shoulder singing "look over your shoulder honey! woo! ill be there!" haha! im sitting here laughing by myself, remembering these awesome moments from my childhood. i dont want to start to cry. now i just want to write. as my first original song proclaims: "No More Cryin'"!!!!!! so im gonna try to stick to this plan.
I want to keep on writing, but id like to shower, cuz i just came back from a workout, which i had to cut short due to the fact that i had a guitar lesson planned. my sweat is starting to dry and im getting cold. nipples are getting hard and all! haha!
this guitar lesson was canceled by the teacher 15 minutes before arriving. it was supposed to be at 2pm, he called a few hours ago to ask if we could move it to 3pm. i thought that was fine, better for me. to cancel 15 min. before 3pm! i like and try to be cool, this kinda stuff happens to all of us! ive been a theatre, dance, and fitness teacher, and i would totally give my students a free lesson if i did this to them. this didnt come out of this teacher. im going to ask him. i think, if he's not cool with it, then i think im gonna move on to another teacher, there are really so many!
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